I've finally found an episode of "Fawlty Towers" that is truly funny, and not merely stupid!

K's FIAF #82

CHANGE A'COMIN'

He watched her.  She was Autumn...gloriously arrayed in Earth tones of cinnamon, gold, olive, a sensual mix of heat and cold, her bare back inviting his touch.  She was mourning the change approaching on the breeze rippling over the water.  He held his brick cold breath; she turned a smile on him.

"Thank you!" 

Fiction in a Flash # 82

The "rules" are few and very simple:

* Your entry will come due each Saturday, when a new picture will be posted.
* You may only write 55 words.
* Your entry must be fiction.
* You may not alter the picture in any way.
* Post your entry as a blog on your page, and drop off the link in the comments section on this page.
* Have fun!  (Yes, it's a rule!  )

Another E-Mail Funny

My cousin sent me this in e-mail.  *chuckles*  Enjoy!

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, I  purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. ________________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.  Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!  It's a whole new life for me. _______________________________ WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members..  His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster.  Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  He said some other crap too. _______________________________ THURSDAY: Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. _________________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor.  If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don't have any triceps!  And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.  Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ________________________________ SATURDAY: Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.. ________________________________ SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Found Poem

Sample "true" found poem, from Beowulf – from the beginning of “the dragon’s treasure” digression, ll. 2230 – 2280. This was done today to provide an example for my students, who must choose a digression in the poem, and make of the words in it their own composition, focusing on something that catches their creative eye. A "true" found poem uses mostly, if not only, words from the original document.

SURVIVOR

The last survivor of a noble race,

he looked around him, joyless  --

gold and jewels in a sealed fortress,

precious, ancient treasures

in that large stone tower,

built near the sea below a cliff;

waves in front of it, rocks behind.

 

The last survivor of a noble race,

he knew how war and terror

had closed the door

to all gladness, delight, and living.

He knew that hidden treasure,

heaped high in the tower,

would tarnish and crack.

 

The last survivor of a noble race,

he alone in the darkness sadly watched

the end of a dynasty.

Gone the harp’s bright song;

gone the hawk on its swift wing,

gone the trampling stallion,

their masters hurled to the grave.

Copyright © 2012 by Teri K D Bannerman

Crossed Wires

"I guess I've stopped growing on you?"

How many times had she read and re-read that question, and checked and re-checked the answer she sent him back as soon as she received it?  It had been four days, and he had not come back to see what she had said in response, or even if she had.  Had she been reading him wrong?  Had she misunderstood the phone number in his message, and the request for her to call so he could give her "something to make her sleep sweeter"? That thought had warmed her when she'd read it, and even though she hadn't called, he had returned to tease a smile from her in the days that followed.

Then, when she had not been able to answer his last e-mail immediately, he had sent her that cryptic question, making a reference to what she had said to him when they had first met and he had been doing his best to seduce her.  Maybe she had taken playing hard to get too far? Maybe she should have let him know sooner that she was game for the next phase? Maybe...

She shut down the laptop, and grabbed her coat.  Maybe a brisk walk would clear her head, and take away the pain she felt waiting to punch her in the gut.  

Rushing out the door, she didn't hear the phone ring...

K's FIAF #81

CLOSE QUARTERS

She moved to turn onto her back, but only made it half way before he was looming over her, his warm breath fanning her lips.  She wanted to laugh, but managed to stifle the mirth.  He was so damned handsome, so hot...and he hated her guts. 

And he was stuck with her for now...

Fiction in a Flash #81

(This photograph was taken from the Internet.)

The "rules" are few and very simple:

* Your entry will come due each Saturday, when a new picture will be posted.
* You may only write 55 words.
* Your entry must be fiction.
* You may not alter the picture in any way.
* Post your entry as a blog on your page, and drop off the link in the comments section on this page.
* Have fun!  (Yes, it's a rule!  )

K's FIAF #80

OUT OF HIS DEPTH

"What the hell could he have been thinking?" she wondered, exasperated yet sympathetic.

She approached him slowly, wishing she hadn't talked him into coming on this tropical jaunt.  He clearly didn't fit in!  How was she to handle this debacle?

Sensing his distress, she cleared her throat, and prayed she would say the right thing...

Moving Images Challenge #53

BROKEN

Always, the talk is of the glass half full,
or of the glass half empty. 
No one talks about the glass broken. 
I watch the liquid
pour out of the neatly broken wine glass,
and see my life. 

What should fill me up,
and make me me
is pouring out
unchecked, inevitable,
my defenses broken down,
no way to shore them up,
or save the essence that is me.

Copyright © 2012 by Teri K. D. Bannerman

Moving Images Challenge #52

THE KEY

Sharps and flats converge --
pitching chordal tensions high --
he'd come back to life!

"Coconut Oil..."

"...Touted as Alzheimers Remedy."  Who knew?  Hooray for the lowly coconut! 

"If God sends you down a stony path, may he give you strong shoes." Happy St. Patrick's Day! *smiles*

Fiction in a Flash #80

(This photograph was taken from the Internet.)

The "rules" are few and very simple:

* Your entry will come due each Saturday, when a new picture will be posted.
* You may only write 55 words.
* Your entry must be fiction.
* You may not alter the picture in any way.
* Post your entry as a blog on your page, and drop off the link in the comments section on this page.
* Have fun!  (Yes, it's a rule!  )

K's FIAF #77

Ooops!  I missed this one!  *slaps wrist*  Bad hostess!  BAD hostess!! 

SHOWTIME

The smoke irritated his nostrils, but he managed to stop himself from sneezing.  He had to maintain an air of nonchalance.  No sacrifice, like waiting in this smoky hot spot, was too great.

He held the cigarette between his fingers, watching the scene unfolding at the door, squinting against the smoke. There was the signal...

K's FIAF #79

OVER

"Oh God, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry!"

His groans of pleasure sharpened her misery.  She stared over his shoulder at the dark spot on the opposite wall, blanking her mind to the sounds of his completion.  When she pushed against him, he rolled over slowly.

"I have to go pee," she said, and escaped.

Fiction in a Flash #79

(This photograph was taken from the Internet.)

The "rules" are few and very simple:

* Your entry will come due each Saturday, when a new picture will be posted.
* You may only write 55 words.
* Your entry must be fiction.
* You may not alter the picture in any way.
* Post your entry as a blog on your page, and drop off the link in the comments section on this page.
* Have fun!  (Yes, it's a rule!  )

K's FIAF #78

RETREAT

She looked around her, and then her attention was caught by the view outside the picture-window French doors.  They'd be truly alone, up here where the vista showed the mountain across the valley.  Ardith shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.  The space inside echoed the vastness outside.  She should be scared...

She was exhilarated, instead...

Fiction in a Flash #78

(This photograph was taken from the Internet.)

The "rules" are few and very simple:

* Your entry will come due each Saturday, when a new picture will be posted.
* You may only write 55 words.
* Your entry must be fiction.
* You may not alter the picture in any way.
* Post your entry as a blog on your page, and drop off the link in the comments section on this page.
* Have fun!  (Yes, it's a rule!  )