Pun-ography! LOL!

Sent to me in e-mail by my cousin!

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Jokes about  German sausage are the wurst .

 

A soldier who survived mustard gas  and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran .

 

How  does Moses make his tea ? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see  where the sun went. Then it dawned on me .

 

This girl said she  recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore  .

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.  I can't put it down  .

 

I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on  words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-  O.

 

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny,  period.

Why were the Indians here first ?  They had  reservations .

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.  I hope  there's no pop quiz .

Energizer bunny arrested.  Charged with  battery.

 

I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me  .

 

How do you make holy water?    Boil the hell out of  it!

 

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job  because she couldn't control her pupils ?

 

When you get a bladder  infection, urine trouble .

 

What does a clock do when it's hungry ?  It goes back four seconds.

 

I wondered why the baseball was getting  bigger. Then it hit me !

 

Broken pencils are pointless.

 

I  tried to catch some fog. I mist.

 

What do you call a dinosaur with a  extensive vocabulary ? A thesaurus.

 

England has no kidney bank, but  it does have a Liverpool.

 

I used to be a banker, but then I lost  interest.

 

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx  .

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.  Police have nothing to go on.

 

I got a job at a bakery because  I kneaded dough.

 

Haunted French pancakes give me the  crepes.

 

Velcro - what a rip off !

 

Cartoonist found dead in  home . Details are sketchy.

 

Venison for dinner ? Oh deer  !

 

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

 

I  used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so  sure.

"ITSBUKAY" ~ More Vanity! :P

These I took over the last two days, before I exhausted the battery in the camera, on my daily commute last week. I love the spoof on Hyacinth Bucket of "Keeping Up Appearances" -- you know me, I'm an Anglophile who loves the Britcoms, so "ITSBUKAY" is a favorite now! LOL! Enjoy!

Hehe!

Borrowed from Facebook...just to have a laugh!  

Oh good googah moogah!

Hehe!  Want a laugh, and an "Awww!" moment at the same time?  Check this out! 

Macarena Kung Fu fighting dancing!  I LOVE it!  Go Dad!!

Another E-Mail Funny

My cousin sent me this in e-mail.  *chuckles*  Enjoy!

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, I  purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. ________________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.  Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it!  My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!  It's a whole new life for me. _______________________________ WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members..  His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster.  Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  He said some other crap too. _______________________________ THURSDAY: Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes. He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. _________________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor.  If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don't have any triceps!  And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.  Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ________________________________ SATURDAY: Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.  Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.. ________________________________ SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!